by Ihor Magun, MD, FACP
Why is it that some individuals seem to always have it all together? When challenged and faced with significant emotional stress, they not only handle it well, they rise above it. What special power or gift do those individuals possess? The answer is simple—emotional resilience.
The American Psychological Association defines this as a process of adopting well, in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.
The main point to be derived from this definition is—“adopting well.”
Before we delve into the “how to” develop this mind set, a few points should be made:
Humans are quite complex beings and in adapting behavior change, one must realize that our background, family, and social values play a major role in influencing our handling of situations. Where you live plays a role--city vs suburban vs rural living. These all provide different environmental exposures. Resilience also varies with age, sex and changes over our lifetime. Cultural beliefs are yet another factor. All these points add to the complexity of our “baseline” emotional level. Having listed all those points, resilience still can and needs to be implemented.
To start developing this resilience, we must first focus on unconditional self-acceptance of ourselves. We must accept who we are. Questioning ourselves depletes a part of our unique individuality and makes us feel emotionally vulnerable.
Next we must work on how we perceive situations. We must empower ourselves to perceive adversity as something temporary and draw strength from that coping mechanism. Repeating this action builds on more resilience in other situations.
Action and adaptation is the way we react to a situation. Our thoughts influence our actions. If we know we are facing stress, acknowledge this fact. Look for positives even when faced with negatives. Surround yourself with people that fuel positivity. Be open to change and flexibility. This lessens the crisis level of a situation. Look for humor, a good laugh, even at yourself, is always welcome. You do not need to have all the correct answers. Sometimes it is fine to not have it “all figured out:” Trust that you will gradually have the answer and be ready to accept it, whatever it may be.
As social creatures, interaction with others gives us strength to overcome problems. By expanding our interpersonal relationships, we have the potential to build new ones. These relationships widen our vision and change the way we see ourselves.
Engage in expressive writing of our thoughts and concerns. In the midst of stress and extreme situations, writing (on paper) our concerns and worries decreases our level of stress and adds to our resilience score.
Cultivate a sense of purpose. It can be a powerful motivator to literally pick you up when you fall short of your goals. Individuals who live with a purpose find meaning in all of life’s challenges.
We are all capable of building ourselves to become emotionally resilient. Now is the time to deploy the suggested strategies and join the ranks of those who seem to “have it all together”.
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